(Written July 2009. Long before much more Favre drama would transpire)
Being unemployed can have its benefits. Since I was just sitting around at my computer job searching, listening to Pandora, watching viral videos and whatever…I found out very quickly that my once childhood-hero who I now loathe has decided to stay retired this time. Or at least we all hope so.
I could go on and on complaining about Favre and how this is a relief, and how maybe now we can all forget about it…but I won’t do that. Instead I realized that if this really is the end to Favre’s football career, I can finally start writing that screenplay. Favre: From the Bayou to the Bay of Green to the Jets and almost to the Vikings. Ok it’s a working title.
What’s even more fun is casting the actors I want to play in the movie about the greatest most indecisive QB of all time.
Another blogger joked about Ethan Hawke playing #4 and I think that’s a pretty good pick.
Not only is Ethan a great actor but he can still play young-favre as well as crotchety old-man-favre, and even strung out on Vicodine Favre.
For Favre’s wife Deanna we have to go with someone classy who can really show a lot of emotion. My pick…Jennifer Connelly. However, if Nancy Pelosi were a few years younger and into acting she’d also do well.
The most influential person in Brett’s life had to be his dad Irv. Irv was a tough one, I wanted to cast someone who could really connect to that hardened blue-collar angry type of character. So Irving Favre will be played by the incorrigible Tom Sizemore.
Two of Favre’s best-buds in his glory-years with the Packers were Tight-End Mark Chmura and Center Frank Winters. For Chmura Dean Cain was an obvious choice. Both Chmura and Cain have a Superman connection, both love to charm the ladies, young and old. Or is Dean Cain gay I forget?
I had to pick just the right guy for Frank Winters. He’s obviously going to be the comic-relief in this film. That’s why despite his youth, I chose up and coming comic actor Jonah Hill to play Frankie-Bag-o-Donuts. I can totally here Jonah making wisecracks as he bends over and Ethan Hawk puts the back of his hand up against his taint.
So what about the guys at the center of last year’s Favre Controversy. The head-coach and GM who took all the crap from fans. Well General Manager Ted Thompson wasn’t too hard. I called up my good friend and comedian Steve Martin who jumped at the chance to play the deadpan football businessman. Steve thinks it will be the role that gets him his first Oscar nomination. It’s about time Steve!
For Packers coach Mike McCarthy we may have to pull off a miracle. I really want Elvis Pressley, but I’m not completely certain he’s available. The verdict is still out, but if Bubba Ho-Tep is an accurate historical film then I should be able to find the King somewhere.
What about other influential coaches from Favre’s past. Steve “Mooch” Mariucci was Favre’s mentor in Green Bay. Mooch is a dead-ringer for Kurt Russel if you ask me.
Of course we can’t tell Brett Favre’s story without the head-coach who shaped him into the quarterback who took the Packers back to the Super Bowl. I was in talks with Wilferd Brimley, but he had a prior commitment, and is a little too old anyway. Instead I found a very talented WALRUS to play Holmgren.
Every great athlete needs a rival. For Brett Favre, one of his biggest on the field was Warren Sapp. Who can forget the confrontations those two had. But Warren also has a goofy side, that’s why I chose The Miller High Life Guy for his role.
I think this film will also need a sports journalist character to help tell the story and provide exposition by filling in gaps and stuff. The sports anchor I know best is Drew Smith from FOX 11. As luck would have it, Drew’s little brother Eric Artell is an accomplished actor. You remember the Pepsi can that fell in love with the hot-dog? (that’s Eric) I’m not really sure who changed his last name Drew or Eric, maybe both.
Drew’s co-host from Inside the Huddle and Favre’s favorite target for much of his career will play himself. Come on, Donald Driver was made for acting! Haven’t you seen those commercials? “The smile is everythang” –ding~!
That’s what I have so far. There’s still a lot of roles yet to be cast. So leave a comment and tell me who you think could play other people in Favre’s life. For instance…Agent Bus Cook is still up for grabs.
Favre Movie Casting Follow-Up
Due to the overwhelming response from my half-dozen readers, here’s a follow up to the Favre movie casting. Thanks to some of you for some great suggestions.
If there are any investors out there with Hollywood connections, please contact me. I truly believe in this project. I’m pitching it to ESPN next week and if I have some cash behind it, that would be sweeeeeet!
First I have to start off with a correction. I know I was just being stupid when I said a WALRUS should play Holmgren. Holly Krause had a much more realistic idea, and suggested the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz.
I threw out some other names and got some pretty good responses. Justus Cleveland suggests comedy-great Tim Conway to play Favre’s agent, Bus Cook.
My buddy Zak Bruss must have been reading my mind when I asked who should play Majik-Man Don Majkowski. Matthew McConaughey was born to play #7.
Speaking of #7, how about Aaron Eckhart playing the QB who crushed the Packers repeat dreams at the Super Bowl? Eckhart’s got that John Elway chin for sure!
Of course the Minister of Defense will have to be in the movie. Maybe he’ll even have his own flick someday. I’m thinking Michael Clark Duncan for Reggie White, although I had to photo-shop some hair on him.
Finally, I’ll wrap this crap up with two choices for the future of the Green Bay Packers. And you can find both of them working at Dunder Mifflin. Ryan might be a little closer looks-wise. But last year when Aaron Rodgers had to answer questions about Brett, he usually looked at the camera with a Jim smirk and a shrug.
Then again, maybe I’m moving too fast here. Maybe it ain’t over yet. Who knows? Quarterbacks go down, or stink it up, and by mid-season teams are looking for someone who can throw. Maybe Brett will feel the itch yet again. I’ll have to keep that in mind for my fantasy team. Either way, the ending Favre left me with kind of sucks. Hopefully something else happens that gives the script some closure. And since it’s Brett, I know I can count on plenty of tears.